My Shoulders and What They Carry

I come from a family of slouchers. Ok, maybe that's taking the negative view of it. I come from a family of round-shouldered people. My shoulders constantly roll forward no matter how much I try to pull them back. Even when I do pull them back they still seemed rounded. My shoulders were my nemesis in my years of dancing. They would bunch up by my ears. I was always told to drop my shoulders, lift my chest, don't cave in. I could never break the habit. My dad's shoulders round forward so that the hem of his t-shirts have always ridden slightly higher in the back. My sister shares this trait with us. I see myself in photographs and think, "Look at my terrible posture!"

I noticed a tall, slim young woman, toned and tan, in the grocery store the other day. These are the body types that catch my eye because it is what I aspire to look like. But what I noticed most was how gracefully her shoulders fell, her shoulder blades dropping down her back (there's my years of yoga talking), her torso pulled up in an almost regal stance. My body doesn't do that, at least not involuntarily. Why do I bring this up? Because as much as I hate to admit it, I still use negative talk when it comes to my body. I criticize and nitpick and obsess. Even with all the effort I've put in and all that I've accomplished in the past 2 1/2 years, I can't quiet it.

I'm currently reading a book called On Being Human by Jennifer Pastiloff and she talks a lot about our Inner Asshole. Our Inner Asshole criticizes everything, puts bullshit stories in our heads, makes us feel less than. My Inner Asshole tends to have a big mouth. Last night I was craving something sweet so I broke out the peanut butter and chocolate chips and ate a few spoonfuls. I immediately reprimanded myself for having such a snack late in the evening (or, more specifically, my Inner Asshole did). I then proceeded to have a back and forth with my Inner Asshole about being allowed to have a snack that I'm craving, guilt free. I promised my Inner Asshole that I would work out this morning. My Inner Asshole seemed satisfied with that trade off and quieted down. However, this morning I awoke feeling sluggish and sore from yesterday's workout and decided to sit in the quiet with my coffee and my book. My Inner Asshole reared her ugly head and immediately made me feel guilty for skipping my workout. She tried to convince me that skipping one workout would undo all my progress. Which is a bullshit story (and, let's be real, I'm not skipping anything, I'm choosing not to workout today unlike every other day of the week).

But I have to fight myself to keep from believing these stories, that a few spoons of peanut butter and chocolate chips will somehow cause instant weight gain, that  not working out one day will put me back at square one, that the chocolate chip cookie I had after lunch today has ruined all my good intentions for the day, that I am somehow less than because my shoulders naturally slump forward.

I have to constantly reassure myself that this journey of healthfulness (that definition being, for me, to eat a clean, whole foods diet, move my body regularly, and take time for myself with some sort of self care) is just that, an ongoing journey with no endgame. I will not get to a point where I've reached my desired goal and then stop all work and expect things to remain static. This journey will have ebbs and flows, the definition may change, the actions will vary as life itself does. I need to keep working on not being hard on myself, on shutting down that inner voice as much as possible. Part of this journey is being real with myself. I don't have it all together. I have an Inner Asshole that pipes up way more than I would like her to. I spend more time and energy than necessary arguing with myself, bargaining with myself, and reassuring myself than I should. But I've been doing it for more than 30 years so breaking that habit is not a simple process. It may not even be possible. But I'll keep working at it. It's all I can do.

Angry Mommy

Today I am angry. Today I am irrationally angry with my children. Today is not my finest hour by far but I need to keep it real and be honest. Today I was irritated and annoyed before I even finished my coffee. 5 year old spent the night going between sleeping like a rock and tossing and turning and moaning and whining. She never woke up enough to call for either myself or my husband so I knew better than to go into her room. History has shown that when I go into her thinking I will be the comforting mommy I end up setting off a meltdown that nothing but time and patience can undo. So I had a restless night, and so did 5 year old. 

When she woke, straight away there were tears. Her leg hurt. There was drama, and limping, and more whining and moaning. My best guess is that she tweaked something when she slipped and fell the day before walking around the house in plastic princess shoes. I got ibuprofen into her and convinced her to try to walk normally to work out the kinks but my patience was already wearing thin as she continued to limp around the house looking pained, and sitting down looking forlorn instead of getting ready for school as I asked.

**I digress a moment to say that I am not a completely heartless monster. The spot that hurt appeared to be muscular in nature not bone or joint related so there isn't much to do but try some pain meds and walk it off. Anywho...

Just when she seemed to be getting over the leg pain ordeal the tears started flowing again, this time she complained of belly pain. This made me pause because she is getting over a stomach bug and she had just chowed a bowl of cereal but I suggested she go to the bathroom and after some more whining and moaning on the potty, surprise surprise, that seemed to remedy the situation. The final straw, though, was the near meltdown that ensued because her butt itched. And after using a wet wipe it still itched which was clearly not acceptable.  Let me pause again to say that between all of these tearful moments there was a lot of pausing to sit and whimper and snuggle with her lovey (the only one who truly understands her apparently) while 2 year old tried to interject herself into every situation or get into things she wasn't supposed to or scream "mine!" while grabbing at things that clearly weren't hers. 

My nerves were fried. And it wasn't even 8am.

I told 5 year old to scratch her butt if it itched. I asked her if she wanted to stay home because of an itchy butt and a sore leg. I sat down with her and told her that I understood wanting to feel well again and being tired of being sick. I told her that I could only help her so much, daddy could only help her so much, she had to be a strong and brave girl and want to get well. I let her curl into my arms and howl and wail and let it all out. I wanted to do that myself. I wanted a response from her when I tried to be understanding and sympathetic but when all she could do was whine and whimper and not use her words I felt my patience slipping away. I felt the urge to yell, "Stop! Just stop!" But I didn't because how is that fair to a 5 year old who has been sick on and off for the past month. I begged her to take some deep breaths and to please stop crying. I held back my own tears as I took a few breaths of my own. I rushed them both into coats and hats, forgoing mine, so I could get them out the door just in time to get 5 year old on the school bus that kindly waited for us. Then I came back inside, feeling half guilty and half relieved, that 5 year old was now her teacher's problem only to find my patience being worn even thinner by a 2 year old who wants it her way and wants it now. 

So, yes, today I am angry. I am irrationally angry at my children. But I am more angry at myself. Because I did not handle myself the way I should have. I did not act the way mommy is supposed to act. I did not have as much patience and compassion and sympathy as I wanted to. I sucked at mom-ing today. But there's nothing I can do to change this morning. Instead I will hug 5 year old tightly when she gets home tonight. I will snuggle with her on the couch for a few extra minutes before bed. I will be silly and sing songs and let them listen to their favorite Spotify playlist and dance along with them. I will be a better mommy.

Going Au Naturel: A Deodorant Story

I never, and I mean NEVER, thought I would go the way of natural deodorant. I'm a sweaty person. I've had to avoid wearing certain colors that I know will make sweat stains more prominent (I'm looking at you heather grey). I get shiny in a manner of minutes. When I used to dance, while other dancers left class looking like they had been caught outside in a light misting rain I looked like I had been hosed down by the fire department. So I figured I was destined to use commercial anti-perspirant forever. 

But I started reading lots of posts and articles about the aluminum in anti-perspirants, and how they shrink or clog your sweat glands and how none of that is very good for your body. Hmmm, makes sense. Shouldn't I allow my body to do its thing they way it's meant to? And since I still get sweaty while wearing an anti-perspirant I figured it couldn't hurt to try out something a little more natural. So I started looking into these natural deodorants which are mainly just perfume for your pits. After much reading of reviews and lists of ingredients I decided to try Myro natural deodorant. It was one of the only ones that does not contain baking soda or arrowroot (sometimes known to cause irritation) and does contain barley powder to absorb moisture. As a bonus, it comes with a reusable case that you fill with pods that come in minimal recyclable material which keeps up with my New Year's resolution to reduce my carbon footprint. The final draw that sealed the deal was that they were offering your first order (case and single pod) for $10 and I had a promo code that gave me 50% off. 

$5 to try a new deodorant? Sold!

The first thing you should know about switching from commercial anti-perspirant to a natural deodorant is that your pits will most likely go through a detox period. Most people report having excessive sweat or extra stinky body odor. I happily did not experience any of that. My armpit odor was barely more than it was with my anti-perspirant (although I had to reapply the Myro deodorant a couple of times of day sometimes) and I didn't have beads of sweat rolling down my sides the way I thought I would. I took the advice of blogs and wiped my pits with apple cider vinegar to clear away excess bacteria. And when I found a free moment I used a bentonite clay mask on my pits to clean out my pores. I should mention that I'm still using both the ACV and the clay mask because detox can take several months and because I think it helps a lot. The one thing I didn't realize about armpit detox was that there is the potential for skin irritation. What a painful surprise that was! 

My first mistake was to shave my pits and immediately apply my natural deodorant, as is typical when using a commercial product. A day later I had angry red bumps all over my underarm area. I only learned the error of my ways when I did a Google search for "razor bumps natural deodorant" and found a plethora of comments about how applying too quickly after shaving can cause irritation, how detoxing can make the skin more sensitive to irritation, and how the best practice is to shave at night and apply deodorant the next morning. Luckily, after a strict regimen of ACV, bentonite clay masks (there's nothing like standing in the bathroom naked from the waist up trying to keep your arms raised while a clay mask in your pits dries), and some benzoyl peroxide, my irritated skin is healing and I have not had anymore flare ups with my natural deodorant. 

I'm still not entirely sold on the Myro deodorant. The first scent I chose seems very light and I don't really smell it once I apply it but I chose three new ones to try out in my subscription order (you get three pods mailed to you every three months and can skip or cancel anytime). I'm looking forward to seeing if another scent has a little more staying power. If not I will move on to one of the other natural deodorants that are now popping up in my Instagram feed and Facebook ads. But overall, I'm totally sold on the idea of natural deodorant and letting my body self-regulate, and hopefully seeing a decrease in sweat as I use it more. At least until summer, then all bets are off.

A Plague on Your House!

March has been absolutely horrendous around here. Forget about lambs and lions, the whole month was a fucking bear. Between my two daughters and myself, we visited the doctor eight times. EIGHT. First for my toddler who had a lingering fever. That turned out to be a nasty upper respiratory virus. But the following week my 5 year old was in for what turned out to be strep throat. Shortly after that the toddler was back in for an injured foot that she refused to walk on. That also turned out to be nothing much, probably a bruise, although as the doctor said, "We really don't know how many kids go around with broken bones that go undiagnosed." According to him, it's hard to determine what hurts, how severe it is, and they heal really darn fast. That ended her visits for the month (other than to tag along to all her sister's appointments) but my poor 5 year old was in right after finishing up her antibiotics for strep because her persistent cough that was keeping her up, then again about a week later for a fever that wouldn't leave for which she got another round of antibiotics and then two more subsequent visits to recheck her ears and lungs. I finished out the month with a trip to urgent care on Saturday morning because I was running a fever, had a nasty cough, and basically felt like death. Now her antibiotics end tomorrow and mine end next week but we have one more recheck on Thursday but the school nurse called today to say that she was complaining of her ears hurting and when the nurse checked them they looked red so I should mention that at her recheck but I also noticed that her nose has been running more the past day or so and her cough is still present and let's not forget that she's still taking fucking antibiotics!

I honestly have no idea what is going on in this house. I expect a fair amount of illness during cold and flu season because the elementary school and daycare are giant germ factories (inhabited by little germ factories) but, be it the Ides of March or a plague, I don't need all this Shakespearean drama up in here. This is seems like a saga to be continued and I won't be surprised if an ear, nose, and throat doctor is in our future but here's to hoping that Spring comes bursting in and washes away every last bit of illness.

My New Year's Resolution

Yes, I am fully aware that I'm talking about my New Year's Resolution in the middle of March. But the thing is, I usually don't make New Year's resolutions and, if I do, I don't tend to stick to them for very long. This year, I've come up with one that I'm excited about and one that I think I can actually keep. My resolution for 2019 is to reduce my carbon footprint. My goal is to cut down on waste wherever I can and use more sustainable products.

I came up with this resolution because I hate trash. I hate things that are lying around my house that I don't know what to do with. I hate plastic containers that I know will not get recycled. I hate excess packaging. It seems like we take a bag of garbage out every other day. There is litter all over our local beaches. I find litter in the wooded area of our yard. It's all just too much, and people don't seem to give a damn, so I decided to do my small part to help save our planet.

My first thought was to make my own laundry detergent. I've seen plenty of posts on it and it seems fairly easy (most recipes call for just 3 ingredients). And if I could make my own and keep using the same big jug over and over I could save us money and reduce waste. But then I started looking into it more and found out that homemade laundry detergents don't really work. Trust me, I was crushed. I was already to get my crunchy granola self in gear, save a ton of money, and never have big bulky plastic containers to throw away ever again. But the explanation made sense so I abandoned that idea for other ones.

My next step was reducing the amount of plastic packaging that I buy. Now, when I go to the grocery store, I don't use the plastic produce bags, I try to buy produce that is not wrapped in any sort of plastic or in a container, and I avoid most prepackaged foods if I can. And, of course I bring my own shopping bags (duh).

Ok, now what?

Randomly, I saw a post from a dear friend on Facebook that inadvertently became a thread about Norwex. Nor-what? I had never heard of them yet plenty of people were professing their undying love for the brand. So I did some investigating and fell down a rabbit hole of environmentally-friendly, sustainable products. I started with the Norwex body cloths because my friend said she loved how well they worked and hadn't bought face wash in over a year (!) thanks to these cloths. My expectations were low but as it turns out I was pleasantly surprised and now I don't have to buy face wash anymore!

This is as far as I've gotten with my quest to lessen my carbon footprint but seeing as it's only March and I plan to make this an ongoing part of my life and my family's life (whether they like it or not!) I think I'm doing well so far, especially since my resolutions of year's past never made it past the first week of February or I just never bothered to make them at all.

If you have any suggestions for ways I can further reduce my carbon footprint or be environmentally conscious, drop me a comment!

PS I do not get any kind of compensation for the products I talk about, I just like sharing what I love.

PPS Whenever I talk about New Year's Resolutions I always think of the scene in the movie Mermaids where Winona Ryder's character is talking to her little sister (played by Christina Ricci) and she asks her if she wants to make any New Year's resolutions. Ricci's character asks "What's a resolution?" to which Ryder responds "They're kind of like wishes." No, Winona! No No No! That is not what a resolution is at all! It's always been my pet peeve.

The Mom Genes Style Report

I took a hiatus from my personal shopping but now I'm back! Helloooo, Stitch Fix! I'm sure most of you know all about Stitch Fix but for those of you who aren't familiar I'll give you the run down.

Stitch Fix** is an online personal shopping website that sends you items of clothes and accessories to try on in the comfort of your own home. You keep what you want and return the rest in a pre-paid mailer. When you open an account you fill out a Style Profile that tells the stylists what you like as well as your stats. And when you order a Fix you can leave a little note for your stylist telling them what you would like for that Fix. Each Fix includes 5 items and you can let them know if there are things you don't want. (My Style Profile says that I'm not interested in receiving bags).

I started using Stitch Fix to get maternity clothes (and got the best pair of maternity jeans ever!). I've used Stitch Fix to build my wardrobe when I felt like it was becoming stale and uninspiring. And I've used it to get essentials when I'm going on vacation (and ended up with the cutest little black dress and denim jacket). But I digress...I haven't used Stitch Fix for a while because once I added those new pieces to freshen up my closet I didn't really need to keep adding. Yeah, I could shop till the cows come home but in the interest of saving money I eased off the gas.

Until now. Enter...my new job.

I've worked as a vet tech for the past 10 years which meant my daily clothing choices were the blue scrubs or the blue scrubs with the stain of unknown origin. But now I am entering a career field that allows me to dress in real clothes! Every day! I'm elated! (By the way, I'm betting there are plenty of people out there saying "I would LOVE to wear scrubs to work and not have to worry about picking out an outfit every day. Yes, the grass is always greener blah blah blah. I get it. But right now, I'm psyched!)

Truth be told, my new job has a very casual dress code. I could probably make do with what I already have in my closet especially since I did use Stitch Fix to add some great pieces. Technically, I can wear jeans and a hoodie to work if I wanted to but that's not my style. I like to look put together. And since I have zero time to shop by myself (kids, ya know?) and almost no shopping options available to me unless I want to drive more than an hour, I ran right back to my old friend Stitch Fix.

For this Fix I asked for comfortable, stylish pants, cute tops, a pair of baggy jeans, a pair of flats in a bright Spring color or pattern, and pendant necklaces (my newest obsession). I received a pair of red slim fit pants, a pair of distressed boyfriend jeans, two tops, and a pre-layered pendant necklace. The stylist said she was unable to find a pair of flats that she thought I'd like but she would keep looking. (Sidenote: you can now choose to use the same stylist or have a new one style you for your next Fix). I decided to keep one of the tops and the necklace. The red pants were cute but too similar to a pair of red jeans I already own. The boyfriend jeans, while comfortable, were not what I am looking for. And the top I returned was a basic black dolman sleeved top and with Spring coming I'm craving brighter colors. This is what I kept...

 

One of my requirements is that pieces be versatile. I want a top that can go from day to night or pants that can be dressed up or down. This navy floral print top fit the bill perfectly. I don't have anything navy in my wardrobe and very few floral patterns. This is how I would style it.

It's perfect with a pair of lived-in jeans and cute sneakers.

For a work look I would style it with my slim fit red jeans and either suede booties or my Dansko clogs, and the pre-layered necklace. In the second photo you can see the cute tie detail on the sleeve.

For an evening look, I paired it with my favorite skinny jeans (another great Stitch Fix purchase!), big rose gold hoop earrings, and rich brown heels. 

This was a solid Fix and I'm looking forward to ordering another one when the warm Spring weather actually shows up. Stay tuned for my next Mom Genes Style Report.

**The Stitch Fix link included is a link to my referral. Use it to get $25 off your first Fix.

Snack Time!

Do you like to snack? Do you have kids? Then have I got the perfect snack for you. I call these Peanut Butter Jelly Spoons. Yes, I know, this is not some fancy, Pinterest-worthy recipe. This is a jar of peanut butter, a jar of jelly, a spoon, and an afternoon snack craving. Just take a little scoop of peanut butter, then a little scoop of jelly, pop it in your mouth and savor that taste combo that brings you back to childhood every time. Scoop, eat, repeat. (Germophobes, be gone! It's my house, I can double dip if I want to!!)

The only drawback to this snack is knowing when to stop. I can't help you with that because I have yet to figure out how to determine when you have reached that point. The bonus in all of this is that it doesn't require bread so it's low-carb!

Ok, that's all I got for ya. Why are you still sitting there?? Get up and get your spoon on!